I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
