You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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