you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
