I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no you cant smoke seaweed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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