Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
