But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
