no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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