She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
