my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
