Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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