he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
