Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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