we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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