Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
