He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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