Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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