So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize