He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they call him Oral-B. enough said
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
