Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
