Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm always down for nudity.
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