Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
