I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
