she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
