ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
