remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
