Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
