Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
