Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
