it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
