So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
