I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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