smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
