Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize