I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
