Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
