so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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