please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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