saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
