In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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