too bad you live with your parents still
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
