my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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