Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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