the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
