I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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