You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
