He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
