Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
