the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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