In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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