I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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