he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize