So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
