We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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