Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
