My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
