I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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