I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
