1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
