Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize