Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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