take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
