Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
