I am spending my child support on dildos
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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