Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
