Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
